In 2013, my special someone and I will be relocating to the USA for a bit, Georgia to be more precise. While I’m filled with happiness and excitement at the idea of my first long stay among our neighbours to the South, I’m also filled with less pleasant stuff, like fear and prejudice.

Party in the USA --courtesy of
Party in the USA –courtesy of

Being the trusting, balanced person that I am, upon hearing the news of my partner’s job offer in Atlanta, I drew up this list of risks…

Risks associated with living in the USA:

1. Gun violence

2. Close proximity to Krispy Kreme donuts (obesity is a killer)

3. Losing my fluidity French

4. Losing my keys

5. Latino-Americans laughing at my name (which I’m told is pronounced the same way as an uncomplimentary slang word for “homosexual”)

6. Locals discovering my distaste for baseball

7. Assault with a baseball bat (potentially related to #6)

8. Being attacked by a colony of bats in a feeding frenzy provoked by the enticing smell of Krispy Kreme donuts

9. Religious zealots, or any zealots really

10. Beginning to refer to French fries, toast or other foods, as “Freedom …”

11. Hormones in my dairy products

12. Dairy cows breaking free and hurdling towards me in a stampede of hormonally-imbalanced-bovine, enticed by the smell of Krispy Kreme donuts

In all seriousness, I’m totally psyched to be immersed in different culture (yup, Canada is quite different from the US: We get our donuts at Tim Hortons). Still, I’ll be keeping an eye out for bats…